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It’s me. I’m posting from my phone. Why? Because our internet is out. It was out last wek too, and we had it fixed and we were all excited and then it stopped working again. We don’t know why. So until it’s finally fixed – we got a new modem – I won’t be posting our delightful Bachelorette reviews. Because as cool as my phone is, typing on this tiny keyboard gets annoying after a while.
Thanks readers. Though I don’t know if you exist because the only comments I’ve been getting are from my mother who has done a lovely job heaping guilt upon my head. And she’ll tell me that if I’m feeling guilty it’s because she’s speaking truth. Okay Mom? No need to comment on this on because I know already.


The latest Bachelorette review will be up soon. I’ve been without internet from last Thursday until roughly 6pm yesterday. Many thoughts on the circus and how these producers seem to have taken their moral compasses and smashed them, ground them under their heels, set them on fire, and tossed them into the sea, will be forthcoming…..

Can we just say how difficult this project has become?  The general question is how these poor saps ever expect to be happy with normal, regular life when all they’ve experienced is crazy, over the top, circus-y dates?

Ben C. got a one on one date…. 

Nothing like a flashmob to create a romantic atmosphere.

Jen: Ok, so a flash mob for a date?  What a dumb idea!  I mean, really?? (E: No, but what did you really think of that idea?  Yowza!  🙂  I guess I’ll cancel the flashmob for the next time you and I hang out.) That being said, I thought Ben C. was a good sport.  I didn’t really have much of an opinion of him, but he played along with her insanity, so I give him credit for that.  He seems like a nice enough guy.  I don’t see her sticking with him…he’s too, well, regular.  I also liked her date with J.P.  It was cool how they just hung out…no Far East Movement performances, just a glass of wine and comfy clothes in front of the fireplace.  That was the most “real” thing I’ve seen on this crazy show.  I thought it was kind of nice that she put on her glasses and her flannel pants and just hung out.  He seemed pretty into it, and just willing to do whatever. 


"Live in a bubble with me!!" "You frighten me, but I'll be 'nice' and say that you're super sweet and romantic."

Elizabeth:  I’ll have to agree with the good sport thing.  Although he DID say that he wanted a dancing date when he heard about the group date in Vegas.  It was pretty hilarious to watch him during the choreography portion.  I would love to do a flashmob date myself, but not with someone I barely know.  His comment during dinner about wanting to live in a bubble where everything is ideal and he’s so in love with his partner?  Wow.  You are doomed for disappointment, friend.  I have a feeling that his bubble desire may be why he’s single.  Who can live up to that?

 Jen:  I also liked her date with J.P.,  but I don’t see her sticking with a Construction Manager either.  Not that there’s a thing wrong with him or his job, but she seems like she needs more “flash” in her life.  Maybe I’m wrong.  It was cool how they just hung out…no Far East Movement performances, just a glass of wine and comfy clothes in front of the fireplace.  That was the most “real” thing I’ve seen on this crazy show.  I thought it was kind of nice that she put on her glasses and her flannel pants and just hung out.  He seemed pretty into it, and just willing to do whatever. 
Elizabeth:  I honestly hope you’re wrong.  I totally see what you’re saying.  I think CM’s make good money, but maybe it’s a bit too blue collar for a dentist?  Who knows.  I hope she doesn’t care about that because I really like him.  And FINALLY here’s a date that’s normal!  How fun was it that they just hung out in their comfies?  That’s real life, people.   J.P. has now become my front runner.  ONLY because we haven’t seen Ben F. one on one yet.
Jen:  The group date–again, WHAT?? A roast?  First of all, I’ve never really “gotten” the whole roast idea, where you totally rip apart the one you “love”.  She was an idiot to think this was a good idea.  (E:  I think we can thank the classy producers for this one.)  Most of the guys were dumb and just cracked on each other. (E:  Or were they SMART for doing that?)  However, I can’t believe a single one of them brought up her flat chest (and she was OK with that??  Huh?).  It is just plain pathetic that they even noticed and would make a joke about it.  And then William…come on, guy.  Did you really think it would be ok to go “there” with who you’d been hoping the Bachelorette was?  DUMMY.  Then his sad soul searching wander-fest…get a grip people.  I was 100% sure she would not give him a rose, I mean why should she?  But NO, he gets a second chance.  Why, because he’s cute?  Can’t wrap my head around that one. 

WORST idea for a date, ever. EVER.

Elizabeth:  Oh the roast.  Great idea, because THAT will turn out well, with no one crying.  She’s already insecure about not being Emily (who apparently, is awesome) and they decide to do this?  This is pretty low.  So most of the guys realize that they should probably just rip on each other and NOT the girl they’re trying to woo.  But not William!!  He went into this as if it were a job interview for his new standup career.  He seriously lost points right there in my book, and of course, later when he actually spoke.  My favorite quote from the date was from Lucas – “Ames, when is your forehead gonna give birth?”.   He kept saying, “But it’s a ROAST!”.  Here’s a good rule of thumb:  If you’re trying to impress a lady, don’t rip on her.  It’s just not a good idea.

 Jen:  Thoughts on Bentley:  That man is a disgrace to the entire male gender.  Some of my favorite lines from last night:  “I’m going to go mess with her head a little bit.”  “She’s someone I would hook up with once in a while.”  “I’m going to make Ashley cry.  I hope my hair looks good.”  There is a whole litany of horrible words I could call this man.  But he doesn’t deserve any more of my time.  He makes me SICK.  I’m glad he’s off the show.  Ashley was an idiot (and so were the guys, by the way, for thinking he was a “good guy”.) for trusting him and falling for his slick lines.  And the fact that he totally used his daughter as an excuse for leaving the show…I mean he USED his own daughter to get out of being on the show.  I can’t imagine any girl wanting to be with him after watching this show.  Of course, there are plenty of insecure girls out there who would give it up just cause he’s cute (whatever, I didn’t think he was so great.  His hair sucked.) but hopefully he’ll get the cold shoulder now that the ENTIRE WORLD knows he’s a total loser. 
Elizabeth:  Bentley needs a good solid kick square in the junk. Another line was “Crying….it’s not attractive” when Ashley was all distraught after the roast.  Wow.  The compassion is overflowing.  Ashley said of him, “He’s just a real guy.  He doesn’t have an agenda”.  She is so wrong that it’s mind-boggling.  Then she has more one on one time during the group date and she decides to tell him about the text message warnings.  He makes excuses denying it and she totally falls for it again.  This is so classic.  He doesn’t have any real interest in her, so she’s crazy for him.  I’m also not impressed with his mumble speech and his Luke Perry expressions.  Is he even a real person?  I am SO happy he left.  But the way he left?  He said it was all about his daughter.  Oh Ashley, if he was into you, he’d stay.  Be a man and just say you’re not into her.  But instead he leaves her with this:  “It’s more of a ‘dot, dot, dot’ kind of parting.”…thereby stringing her along more, and now she wonders how she can go on with the rest of the season.  Did part of me wish she’d throw in the towel so it would be done?  Uhhhh…yep.  But alas, there is more drama to come.

Jen:  Thoughts on Jeff: Mask off.  (E:  FINALLY!!!)  Regular guy.  Might be ok if he wasn’t so darn CREEPY.  Glad he’s finally gone.  Why on earth did she keep him around so long in the first place??
Elizabeth:  No.  Idea.  Creepy masked men create intrigue.

The Rose Ceremony:  Can we all marvel at how Chris Harrison was the voice of reason?  That he actually contributed beyond letting all of us know that there was only one rose left to give out?  Regarding the “dot, dot, dot” comment, he told her, “That’s such a guy thing to say.  A real man would have fought like hell to get back here.”  Oh Ashley, please listen to Chris.  I cannot believe he offered such sound advice, but listen to him!!!  And William getting a rose is sure to make Chris D and Jeff super mad that they were rejected while he stayed.  I thought the way Jeff dramatically threw his mask into the fire was pretty hilarious.  (J:  OH–the mask burning!  That was hysterical!  SO melodramatic!  I have to believe that the producers set that up.  There’s no WAY a real person would’ve staged that on their own, right?  RIGHT???  Please tell me I’m right!!)
Jen:  As I was watching this week’s episode I was thinking that if she’d met any one of these guys in a “normal” way–bumped into them in line at Starbucks, sat by them on the subway, whatever–she could likely “fall in love” with any one of them.  But because of the circumstances they’re in, she can afford to be incredibly picky.  J.P.–don’t like his job?  Well, there’s 15 other guys you can choose from honey, kick him to the curb!  Ben C.–he’s not totally hot, real nice guy, but kind of average in the looks department?  Well, don’t look now, here’s 15 other hot guys who are tripping over themselves to kiss you!  I mean, it just is a set up for failure.  There’s such an atmosphere of finding the “perfect” person, when we all know darn well that there IS. NO. SUCH. THING.  And it creates a whole legion of girls (and guys) who are going to start setting up impossible standards when looking for a partner in life.  It just made me sad.  I think that most of these guys, especially the ones that are left, seem like regular, nice guys.  Why they have set themselves up for such a harsh examination and opportunity for humiliation and failure is beyond me. 
Elizabeth:  It’s beyond me as well….

We were contemplating naming this post “Bentley:  Heaping Shame Upon a Name That Should Conjur Images of Luxury and Class.”  It was a toss up.  Which was sort of a theme in this episode as well. 

Please God, tell me why You allow people like this to roam the earth?  And we’re not talking about the contestants, we’re talking about the producers of this trainwreck.  Are we alone here?  And TWO HOURS per episode???  Oy vey.

JEN:  I nearly gagged when I flipped on the TV and saw that yes, it was indeed 2 hours of this insanity per week.  Talk about a commitment!  Definitely need to stock up on some wine or something.  It was, whew.  Long.  But much better watching in “regular” time than sitting in front of my computer watching it.  At least I could fold laundry. 
Elizabeth:  I had to watch online, because we missed the first hour and 15 min….ABC’s player was totally messed up so I watched it on hulu which was working perfectly.  What’s up, ABC? 
One of the things I noticed is how Ashley loves to declare these “boulder” statements that are filled with extreme emotion or eternal meaning about men she’s just met.  This makes me wonder if she means anything she says. 
Jeff is getting weirder if that’s possible.  Still the mask, dude?  And you wear it ALL the time?  Again, we get what you’re trying to say, but now it’s just weird.
JEN:  Speaking of masks…I noticed there seems to be a theme going on with the whole mask thing.  Between Creepy Jeff and those serial killer white face masks they wore in Vegas in that dance show…are they trying to tell us something?  Granted–all of us wear a “mask” of some sort, especially when we’re first getting to know people.  Can I trust you with my true self?…is a question you ask all the time when getting to know a friend, significant other, co-worker.  Some people are more transparent than others, but I think we all hold a little bit of ourselves back to make sure we can trust someone before we let it all hang out.  But it feels like on this show, it’s impossible to really know if Ashley or any of the guys are for real.  We obviously know Jeff is, well, weird.  And West’s “Poor Dead Wife” story has some question marks.  And Bentley is a disgrace to the entire male sex.  I just wonder if any of these guys are really laying it all on the table, you know?  How many of them are hiding something?  How many of them have their own “masks” that they are presenting to Ashley and millions of slightly off-balance American women?  (E:  Oooh, deep, Jen.  Deep.)

Ah, the first date wedding. It's a time-honored tradition.

Elizabeth:  William was the “lucky” guy who scored the first one-on-one date with Ashley.  They went to Vegas.  They picked out wedding cake and rings and….I’m sorry, did I miss something?  Why in the world are we having a fake wedding planning date?  That was so incredibly over the top, producers.  Perhaps the worst part is that she strung him along the whole time so he looked like an idiot deer in headlights for most of the first part of the date.  She said, “I am definitely falling for William.  After half of a date.”  Again with the boulder statements.  No Ashley.  You like him.  You’re infatuated with his cuteness and you had this ridiculous date experience and that makes you feel closer to him than you actually are.  It’s an illusion.  Just like Vegas.  And dinner in the fountain at the Bellagio was not necessary.  There were people yelling at them for crying out loud!  Ashley declared, “I don’t know if any other guy can make me as happy as William.”  Why do I feel like we’re going to hear more boulder statments from her as time goes on?  This is what is wrong with women.  You good time with a guy, he’s on his best behavior trying to woo you, and we think it’s true eternal love.  GAAAAAHHHH!!!  How about a date where you’re both sick?  Or one where you have to clean a house?  There’s a good test of how well you’re matched.


Dance, monkey boys! Dance! Not good enough! Get out!!

What was with that group date?  Half the guys get screwed over for time with her because they didn’t choreograph a dance well enough?  But it’s understandable.  How many opportunites have we missed out on because our dance wasn’t choreographed or executed to perfection?  It’s a pretty common occurence.  The group date is important however, because this is where we find out that Bentley really is a huge douche who has no interest in Ashley at all, but he is so competetive he won’t take himself out of the ring.  And the interview where he said such awful disgusting, chauvenistic things about her?  Yes, I just wanted to punch him square in the teeth.  He has no interest in her, but he’d stick around just to play with her hot body?  You are disgusting dude.  And then, she basically BEGS him to stay.  It was one of the most pathetic displays we’ve ever been witness to.

JEN:  So yeah, Bentley.  I mean–everything he said was just flat out disgusting.  And honestly he’s not even that cute!!  I mean really, I think he is just a horrible human being.  A sociopath.  And this guy is the father to a LITTLE GIRL???  Excellent.  I can see him now telling her when she’s like 8 that she needs to lose weight or get Botox or something.  A real class act this one is.  And I was equally disgusted by Ashley’s total gullibility in “trusting her gut” or however she phrased it about him (E:  She has good radar.  Uh-huh).  Watching the previews for future episodes, it’s clear that he’s going to finally lay it all on her and hurt her…I’m just hoping we can get it out of the way sooner rather than later so we don’t have to see his smirking mug and hear his idiotic commentary for much longer.  I mean, what exactly was he trying to get out of this experience?  Does he not realize that he’s been made to look like a total tool??
Elizabeth:  We find out through a chat between Jeff and Bentley that Jeff suffered a brain hemorrage years ago, that made him change perspective on life.  Again, great.  We understand, and good for you for your realizations.  But it’s obviously not that big of a life changer if you’re choosing to come on this show. 
JEN:  And Jeff, wow–he’s STILL on this show?  WHY ON EARTH IS HE STILL HERE?  He’s just skulking around being weird.  GO.  AWAY.
Mickey’s one on one date was not that great. While the whole coin flip theme was cute, he’s just not that much of a stand out in terms of personality, to make him, um….stand out.  🙂
JEN:  See, I kind of liked Mickey.  I didn’t have any opinion of him before his “date”, and I was pulling for J.P. to win the coin toss.  I thought he seemed pretty nice.  But again, I was just disgusted by the appearance of a private Colbie Caillat concert on the fake “beach” at Mandalay Bay.  I mean, come on!!  Who does this ever happen to in real life?  Like I’m out strolling around Laramie with Bill and suddenly–whoa, it’s Mumford and Sons doing an impromptu show in Washington Park!  How romantic!  Yeah, right!
Elizabeth:  So William, Mickey, and Bentley all had roses going in to the rose ceremony.  J.P. grabs her right away.  Smooth move, J.P.!) to talk about how he lost a date over a coin toss.  He gets a kiss as a consolation prize.  Let’s be clear.  I don’t like watching people make out on tv.  It’s icky.  But I’m glad he was at least able to talk with her since he didn’t get a date.
JEN:  Icky.  Yes indeedy, Elizabeth.  This whole experience smacks of “ICKY.”  She kissed a bunch of people!  All within like a few hours of one another!  Or minutes!  (E:  That’s just irresponsible what with the threat of mono and whatnot).  And just WAIT til we get to the weeks with the “Fantasy Suite.”  Just wait.  I was thinking as I watched this that it has got to SUCK for the guys.  First of all, for those unlucky ones that got stuck in LA while the rest were cavorting in Vegas…I mean, what are they doing all day?  Surely they’re not all becoming best buddies.  (We know Creepy Jeff is housecleaning–what??)  And the testosterone in that house must be ungodly.  Here’s this beautiful hot girl, and they’re all competing for her.  I mean, this is guys at their worst.  And it must be so hard to watch her stroll off and smooch someone 2 seconds after she was just with you.  I know the guys sound lame when they get kicked off, but it really must be a kick in the balls to be eliminated on a show like this.  Total humiliation.  And we all know how fragile a guy’s ego is, even a guy who is supposedly secure in a stable, loving relationship, never mind living in a house with 20 other men all vying for one girl.  This is so barbaric!!
The Rose Ceremony
Elizabeth:  William decided to be totally cocky at the here which definitely lost him some points.  Sorry, William.  You’re not ACTUALLY engaged to her, okay?  That was a stunt for the show.
JEN:  Yeah, William?  That was just obnoxious. 
Elizabeth:  Jeff gets some time with her and just as he’s about to take of the mask, Matt steps in.  Good one, producers!!!  Because we want to see more of this guy skulking around with his mask on. 
Here’s a great quote from Bentley:  “I would rather be swimming in pee than planning a wedding with her”.  Wow!  What a charmer you are, sir!  But don’t worry!  He still pulls a smooth dude move by carrying her to the fire and kissing her, thereby pulling the proverbial wool firmly over her eyes.  His reaction to the kiss:  “It started out good, but it sucked towards the end”.  Nice.  Real nice.  To make matters worse, Ashley is totally fooled.  She even mentioned how she was hesitant ONLY because of the people warning her about him.  Sorry, honey, but if people are taking the time to warn you about him, perhaps you should listen.  This is one of the problems with this show.  She’s alone.  She has no friends there to meet him, to give her proper perspective so she can have a clear head about this whole thing.  So now she’s fallen hook, line, and sinker for this total idiot.  She actually said, “I have a pretty good radar in terms of womedy that’s not being sincere, and I’m seeing such sincerity in him.  My gut tells me to trust him…..In my heart I really feel something really strong for him”.  Despite her being unfamiliar with the English language, this is another example of the sad truth about many females.  She’s saying, “My heart is saying he’s for real” while he’s talking about how he has zero interest in her.  Maybe your heart is dumb, Ashley.
JEN:  Maybe?  I’d say “definitely”!

YAY! Ben F. is still in it!!

Elizabeth:  Stephen the hairstylist, Matt the office supply salesman Momma’s boy, and Ryan M. all get the boot.  The only guy who said something of worth was Ryan M. who said that she was missing out on a great guy.  Okay, Ryan.  You take that confidence and go find yourself a lovely girl.

JEN:  As the show ends, and she’s sitting there claiming her husband is DEFINITELY in the room (lets see the Vegas odds on that one, shall we??), she says something like “This is really working for me!!”  Hells yeah, I bet it is!  You’re surrounded by luxury, eating delicious food, drinking copious amounts of wine, (did you notice she pretty much had a glass of wine in her hand all night long?  My husband was like “she’s got to be totally liquored up by now!”) able to travel to exciting places at the drop of the hat, with 20 guys all falling over themselves to impress you, smooching whoever suits your fancy at the moment.  I’m sure that would be working for a lot of ladies Ashley!  (E:  It would have totally worked for me when I was young and single….and DUMB.  Okay, okay….naive.  But mostly dumb.)And not to turn this into something political, but let’s bring it to a little deeper level here, shall we?  Where are the people of color, my friends?  Mexican, Asian, Black–where are they, hmmm???  Why, nowhere to be found!! I wonder why?  Surely its not because Americans can’t bear to see a sweet little white girl in the arms of someone of color, right?  NO, that couldn’t possibly be it.  Surely we are more progressive than that right?  RIGHT???  Because it’s 2011 people, and from what I’ve heard on Fox News there’s no such thing as racism any more.  Right?  That’s why there’s been a black Bachelor and an Asian Bachelorette in seasons past and…oh, wait, what?  What’s that you say?  The Bachelors and Bachelorettes have all been WHITE?  NO?!!?  Hmmm…now that is a tricky question isn’t it?  Just trying to get us to think a little bit beyond Creepy Jeff and his mask and Stupid Idiotic Bentley and his asinine comments.  What is really going on here?  Why is America so sucked into this pimping out of people in the guise of “True Love”???
Elizabeth:  Ooooh, girl, you went there!!!  I must agree, too.  I think we need to see a Bachelor or Bachelorette of any other race than white.  [Some stuff edited thanks to my mom.  She got me all paranoid thinking my comments were racist and rather than argue with her, I’m just gonna take them out.  I would not want anyone to think of me as such.  And if you’d like to know what I said, just ask.  I’ll share and you can tell me if you think it was.]  Good point, Jen.  This is definitely a whitey white operation.  Boo ABC!!!

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